So, here we go. The reason I had never yet created a blog – even though I considered it several times – was simple: I thought I wasn’t knowledgeable nor experienced enough to actually have something worth sharing.
Then, a few days ago, on my FB newsfeed, someone posted a link to this article http://sexgodsrockstars.wordpress.com/2013/03/22/we-can-learn-a-lot-from-things-that-annoy-us-or-what-i-figured-out-about-the-proliferation-of-lokis-wives-online/ , quoting a specific paragraph:
“Tell your story. Tell your story even if you’re still figuring it all out. Admit you don’t have a God phone. Write a blog that’s all about how hard it is for you to meditate. (…) Talk openly about how all this talk of spirit work makes you feel lesser because you weren’t chosen for that. Create a Tumblr for people who don’t hear the Gods, and encourage each other to create and stick to devotional work in spite of that.”
This part echoed deeply within because I suddenly realized that if people were only writing about their great and extraordinary achievements, it could be quite disheartening for those still new on their path, or struggling to progress, and that not only was there nothing wrong with writing about one’s difficulties and limitations but that it could even be useful and maybe provide others with some insight!
IRL I’m a teacher. I’m French and I teach English as a foreign language in a Junior High Shool (you’ll excuse my mistakes – and are more than welcome to correct and explain them if you spot some ^^ – I’m something of a self-taught English speaker and have never got the chance to stay in an English-speaking country so I know that though I’m fluent I’m not bilingual… Anyway…). On occasions I tell my pupils not to misjudge their own level too quickly, that when I was their age my grades pretty much sucked in the discipline I now teach… So it’s all about motivation and work but we do have the power to change the turn of things in our lives.
And I suppose I could apply this same sound advice to myself when I lament my lack of spiritual abilities, or my uneasiness with basic concepts like grounding, meditating, visualizing, or simply “sensing” energies… be it from stones to rituals.
Brrr… This makes me feel quite naked to state what I can’t help but considering like personal “flaws” out loud. But well, that’s the truth. And I’m not really new on the path.
If you count all past years since my interest in esoteric first started, it must be about 15 years. Now if you count the time I actually spent reading or practicing and you put all these hours together, it will be significantly less… And this too tends to make me feel sort of ashamed. I have developed some inferiority complex over the years about all the books I bought but have only flipped through here and there rather than really read, and about all the experience I should possess by now but still don’t.
Maybe it’s all just an unconscious excuse for failing: “I’m not very good at this but it’s only because I haven’t learned enough yet …”
But the truth is, despite my lack of knowledge or experience, I finally found my calling a couple of years ago and it came from a Goddess I would’ve never thought about! (more on this in a later entry ^^) and even if I still wish I were more this and that – especially when I hear or read about people who are – I’m now moving at my own pace on my own path.
It’s up to us to turn our disadvantages to assets. If there’s one thing I know as a teacher it’s that we can always learn not only from a mistake but also from the process of overcoming difficulties. Challenges help to expand our minds, make us grow and move ahead!
So let’s not stop because we think less of ourselves than of some examples we have under our eyes. Each person’s path is unique. To each its personal struggles and own benefits. The struggles of the “not-so-gifted” (yet?) on a spiritual journey are not less overcomeable (did I just coin a word?) than those of a gifted person. They are just different and shouldn’t be a cause for giving up.
The fact that it’s hard just means that we need to hold on tight.
~ Natacha Boginsky – March 28th, 2013.