So I said in my previous entry that I had finally had my calling a couple of years ago, and being someone who doesn’t see, hear, or feel things, you probably wondered how it came to me. Well, what can I say? The Gods do work in mysterious ways… and clearly know which ones to use with each of us!
Though it’s been 15 years I started walking on the esoteric and magical path, it hasn’t been that long that I began to develop a curiosity and an interest for paganism. During the first years, I did not really believe in a Goddess or a God (even harder for me to even say the word “God” back then, since I came from a Catholic background). I saw them as primal life-creating Energies, present in the whole universe. But I kept reading accounts from many pagans talking about having a relationship with this Goddess or that God, and so the question remained suspended for a long time: what exactly were these people talking about… were the gods and goddesses actually real?
One night, the frustration of not being able to find my own answer to this question was so overwhelming that I started talking in front of a small spiral goddess statue, with tears in my eyes. I took out my pentagram necklace and placed it around the statue’s neck and after a little while, the answer (not as in “THE Answer” but rather like “my answer”) dawned on me and I felt inside that I was in peace and that the question was no more.
How to say it? Something about the 5 points of the pentagram and the way they were all simultaneously distinct yet interconnected and part of a whole just clicked and made sense to me. The Gods and Goddesses became like the tips of a 5 pointed star: every one of Them unique but also part of a bigger whole. Like the multiple facets of a diamond and like the many roles we too play in our lives: I can be “Honey” to my husband, “Mum” to my kids, “Mrs” to my pupils… depending on who’s calling and why, I respond to different people in different manners. Yet all of these “me” are part of the bigger whole that is my entire personality. But no one really gets to see this entire picture that makes who I am. They can only catch glimpses of it through the many faces I wear 😉 And I believe that it’s a little like that for the deities. They are all real, and clearly you will not get the same type of response If you’re calling upon say Hecate or Brighid! But in the same time, I believe They are part of a bigger Energy source that we probably cannot fully apprehend. So we do our best by connecting to those faces who speak to us the most.
Some time after this realization, I started to think that it would only make sense if I ever wanted to get closer to the Goddess to choose out of Her multiple faces one appealing to me so that I could try to develop a relationship with Her and this way move closer to the core of the source.
I mentally drew a short list of the first names that I could think of and that evoked Goddesses I found appealing: Danu, Rhiannon, Arianrhod, Bélissama… I was clearly going for a Celtic Goddess and was determined to conduct researches about all These to help me decide! But like I said at the beginning of this article, the Gods work in Their own ways to get our attention… The day right after I drew this list, a Goddess I would’ve never anticipated approached me. How? Through synchronicities… I suddenly started to see Her EVERYWHERE! On Internet (on pages I knew and had never encountered Her before), in shops on articles and magazines covers, on books… Wherever I looked, not even searching, She was there. Some signs were just so huge it was ridiculous but I decided not to overlook them and investigate Her. Soon I realized that She had been with me a long time before I knew it… I started to notice little signature signs of Her presence in my past, both recent and older…
My interest for Her grew to the point that I actually never researched the other Goddesses I had first thought of! I was absorbed. I felt called to pay attention to Her and to respond, and it felt right. And this is how the Celtic-attracted that I was became… a devotee of Isis.
Unfortunately I’m not (yet?) on the lucky side of those who can say that they feel the presence of their God or Goddess every day or even on a regular basis. I don’t. But I know She’s here. It may sound crazy to say that I know that without feeling, but I do. And I know we go back a long time! It just took me a while to figure it out, but now She’s part of me and of my life. My love for Her is great and my devotion sincere, and I’m sure She knows it.
So Hail Isis! May this post be a tribute to all Thou bringst in my life and a public offering of love unto Thee!
~Natacha BoginskY, March 29th 2013